


The Nothing I've Become

by Girl_with_the_tiger_eyes



Series: To Hell and Back [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Amnesia, Angst, F/M, The nothing I've become, dean twin sister, to hell and back
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-30
Updated: 2015-12-02
Packaged: 2018-05-04 05:08:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 17,649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5321624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Girl_with_the_tiger_eyes/pseuds/Girl_with_the_tiger_eyes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You wake up in the middle of the snowy woods, no idea who you are or where you've come from.</p><p>There is only one word that sticks out in your mind.</p><p>Winchester.</p><p>Unaware of what it means, you set off in search of the name, armed with a flask of old water and a strange knife, you wonder who you used to be.</p><p>Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx<br/>This is part 2 of To Hell and Back, and in a new pov.<br/>Y/n from part one is now named.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

You stare at the trees above you. Twisting and swaying in the wind. You didn't know how long you'd been there, and you didn't know why you were there.

The sound of the branches creaking and the wind whistling was hypnotic, and you just stared and stared.

All you could remember was watching the trees and listening to the wind.

You felt numb to the world, and you wondered if you could move.

Breaking your gaze from the trees, you let your eyes wander down to your pale hand, focusing on making it move, experimenting with your abilities.

Your fingers twitched and then you made a fist.

So you could move. That was a good start, so slowly you sat up and looked around.

You were surrounded by snow and trees.

Looking down, you saw that you were not dressed for the weather in your dark jeans and black AC/DC tee.

The snow had melted into your pants and your legs were painfully numb, so you climbed to your feet and gave yourself a quick once over to make sure you were okay.

You didn't know what you were doing in the middle of the woods, but you found that you were not only covered in snow, but also a mixture of what looked like blood and dirt.

What the hell?

What had you been doing to get in that state?

Carefully, you lifted your tee to inspect your body, looking for any injuries or anything out of the ordinary.

With a start, you realised that you didn't even know what ordinary was. You couldn't remember who you were, or even what you looked like.

There were no marks on your stomach to account for all the dried blood on your clothes, but you did have a strange tattoo, just above your hip bone. 

There was something about the design that was familiar, but you couldn't put your finger on it. All you knew was that it had something to do with why you were alone in the woods.

Shivering, you looked around the area you were in, checking the ground for any clue as to what happened to you.

You found a leather jacket, ripped inside, but warmer that what you already had on, so you pulled it on, realising it had to be yours for it to fit so well.

If it was yours, chances were there was going to be something in the pockets that might tell you who you were.

You dug your hands in and pulled out a flask of something. Sniffing it, you were surprised that it carried nothing more than water.

So you were a recovering alcoholic? Or maybe just a poser?

Screwing the lid back on, you put it back in your pocket and started patting down the rest of your pockets.

You reached the pocket on the side of your knee and reached in, yelping as your hand touched something sharp and cold.

You pulled your hand out and saw that your finger was bleeding, so you stuck it in your mouth for a second and then went back into your pocket, this time more carefully, and you pulled out whatever had cut you.

Dangling between your finger and thumb was a big, scary ass looking, silver knife.

You wanted to throw it, but there was something about it that just seemed right in your hand, so you held it properly and found yourself immediately feeling safer.

Who the hell am I? You wondered, but before you could even process the question, there was blinding light behind your eyes and you fell to your knees, your arms wrapping around your head in the hope that it would stop the mental assault that was ripping your mind apart.

A scream broke free of your lips and something warm dripped onto your lips.

Please! Please let this end. Just let me die now, please, just stop. STOP!

Suddenly it seemed that your prayers were answered as the pain slowly ebbed away.

Carefully you let go of your head, half expecting chunks of it to come off in your hands, but you were fine, so you slowly lay on your back and looked back up at the trees, panting quickly.

You didn't know what the hell had just happened, but you felt different, there was a pull, almost what felt like on your soul, leading you somewhere.

You didn't know exactly what had just happened to you, but you knew that it was responsible for the one word that was suddenly burned into your mind, the most important word you had ever heard.

Winchester.

You didn't know what it meant, but you had no doubt that if you followed the pull in your chest, you would find out.

So you stood up and started walking, not sure where you were going, but you figured you'd know it when you saw it, so for now you just had to go where you were being led.

You hugged your arms to your chest and walked quickly, knowing that as soon as it started to get dark, the temperature was going to start to drop rapidly, and if you didn't have any shelter, you were likely to freeze to death.

You walked for hours, your legs numb with cold, but you were no closer to knowing what you were looking for than when you'd first started walking.

While you walked, you tried to think back, to anything you might remember from before you woke up on the ground, but there was nothing. Not even a name.

Winchester...

You wondered if that was your name. Were you a Winchester?

There was something about it that didn't seem right though, so you just kept trying to think back, but all you drew was a blank.

You were about to give up any hope of finding shelter when you stumbled over a root and face planted into the snow.

Groaning, you pushed yourself to your knees, the snow giving way beneath your hands.

It wasn't as deep there, and as you looked down, you figured out why.

It was a pathway.

A path had to lead somewhere, so you stood up and started walking again, Shivering violently with the cold, but determined that you weren't going to stop, you could do this.

The path you walked was about half a mile long, and when you reached the end of it, you almost cried in relief.

Sitting against the background of the forests was a cottage. Small and clearly abandoned for the winter, it was perfect.

You stumbled towards the front door, trying the handle, not expecting it to open, and so when it didn't, you walked over to a window and half turned away and covered your eyes as you smashed the window with your elbow.

The sound hurt your ears, but you kind of liked it, so you hit it again, careful not to cut yourself.

When the window was completely smashed, you used every ounce of your willpower to shrug out of your jacket and lay it on the sill, so you could climb through.

It wasn't much warmer inside, but at least you had some shelter from the wind, and looking around, you saw that there was a bed, covered with blankets, so you could warm up if needed.

It was a single room, and once you were sure you were alone, you relaxed and stood up straighter.

Only then did you realise that at some point you'd drawn your knife and sank into a defensive crouch, ready to defend yourself against any danger.

Once again you found yourself wondering who you once were.

There was a deep ingrained instinct that made you react that way, and you wondered what the hell your life had been like before.

The pieces you'd found so far were hardly inspiring. A whiskey flask filled with water, the tattoo and knife. You were looking like some biker chick, probably got into a fight and was left for dead.

You didn't know where Winchester came into it, but you would follow your gut and find out.

Putting your knife away, you stepped towards to locked door and tried the light switch.

Nothing.

You hadn't really expected it to, so you walked further into the room, your eyes adjusted to the darkness well enough that you could see a kitchen unit, and at the sight of it, your stomach suddenly let out a growl, and you realised how hungry you were.

The pain in your stomach almost made you double over, so you stumbled towards the cupboards and threw them open, looking for any food. 

All you found was one sachet of jello powder.

It wasn't much, but it was better than nothing, so you went to the tap and twisted, trying to get some water.

You cussed loudly, realising that the water must have been turned off because no one was living there.

There was always the snow, but you were already feeling sick, so you decided to try and choke back the powder, purely for fast energy. 

When you were done, you coughed and then crawled over to the bed, falling into it, not even caring if there was a family of dwarves living under the covers. You were too exhausted to care, and as soon as your head hit the pillow, you fell into a deep, dark sleep.

You were being chased. 

The creatures that chased you were unlike anything you had ever seen before.

They were like big, bloody dogs, the size of horses, and they were chasing you.

You ran through the trees, your breath coming in fast gasps. You didn't know how long you had been running, but you knew that it was futile. 

The beasts were going to catch you, and you were going to die, but still you ran.

Your knife was in your hand, but it might as well have been a toothpick for the amount of damage it was likely to do to the beasts.

The Growling seemed to fall away and you kept running, allowing yourself to feel a little relief, thinking you were getting away. 

After another few hundred metres, you skidded to a stop and bent over double, trying to regain your breath.

Your legs felt like rubber, but you knew that you had to keep moving or you were gonna die, so you turned and got ready to run again, but as you brought your eyes up, a pair of red eyes were in front of you, and you didn't even have time to scream as the beast growled and launched itself at you.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx 

You woke up panting, covered in sweat and tears streaming from your eyes.

The room was dark, but something about it comforted you, so you just lay there for a moment, just looking into the dark room.

The pull was still there, and once you noticed, you couldn't stay in bed anymore, so you climbed to your feet and shivered, feeling worse than you had when you'd gone to sleep, which you knew wasn't a good sign, but you had to keep moving, so you did your shoes up and stood up.

For a moment a grin lit up your face as you thought how amusing it was that you could remember how to tie shoe laces,  but not your own name.

You shook your head and then gathered your few belongings before climbing back out of the window and into the cold.

Your breath fogged in front of your face, but you just hugged yourself and started walking.

After a few hours, you found yourself nearing the edge of the trees, a road visible ahead.

When you reached, you walked along side it, still heading towards the pull, not knowing how close you were to whatever you were gonna find, but whatever it was, you would keep going until you found it.

You walked for hours, drinking the stale water from the flask, but you were still starving, and starting to lose your will to keep going. 

That was how you were feeling, just about ready to give up, but then the car came over the hill behind you and slowed to a stop beside you.

As it had stopped, you did too, looking through the window to the guy behind the driver seat.

He was about your age, maybe a few years older, but he was good looking and seemed friendly enough when he smiled at you and asked you where you were going.

"That way," you pointed, smiling back.

The guy paused for a second, still grinning at you before he nodded at the seat next to him.

"Need a ride? Free of charge... You look cold and tired, and what kind of gentleman would leave a young woman on the side of a road, alone and vulnerable?" He asked and you raised an eyebrow.

"Who says I'm vulnerable?" You asked, thinking of the knife in the waistband of your jeans.

The guy grinned and shrugged so you rolled your eyes and walked around to climb in the car.

Once you slammed the door behind you, you just sat back and looked at the driver.

He wasn't too much older than you, with curly blond hair and blue eyes.

He seemed friendly enough, but there was something about him that made your stomach knot.

You had the knife, but you didn't think you'd be able to use it. Not on another human.

You didn't even think you'd be able to use it on an animal if you were honest, but the guy didn't know that, so you could scare him off if you needed to...

Slightly disturbed by where your thoughts had gone, you allowed yourself to relax as the guy put the car in gear and started to drive.

A few miles went by and then the guy looked across at you and held his hand out, offering a hand shake.

"M'names Harlan, and yours missy?" He asked and you froze for a second, drawing a blank.

The guy thought you were just being careful though as he laughed and shook his head.

"Come on girl, I'm just tryna be friendly... Who knows how long we're gonna be in here together. Might as well get to know one another," he tries and you sighed and nodded.

You were about to open your mouth and say the first name that came to you when you suddenly thought of a name, and you just knew it was right. It fit somehow. 

"Y/N, my name's Y/N."

You said it with that much confidence that Harlan actually looked over at you for a moment, his eyebrows raised and he chuckled a little.

"Well nice to meet ya, Y/N," he smiled and you offered him a small grin and then turned to look out the window.

"So... What was a young woman like you doing out there alone?" He asked and you shrugged, not turning around.

"Finding myself," you answered honestly and looked back at Harlan. 

He stared at you for a second.

"With no gear? In the middle of nowhere? What if something had happened?" He asked and you gave him a smirk.

"I'm a capable girl. I can handle myself."

The conversation stopped for a while, and you leant your head on your window, just watching the world go by... Your eyelids getting heavier and heavier... Until finally you gave in and fell asleep, snoring softly.

Harlan watched you out of the corner of his eye and smiled.

He'd lucked out when he found you on the side of the road. He had always preferred the pretty girls, and he knew that in a few hours, you would wake up, and then the real fun could begin.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx 

You woke from yet another nightmare, your heart thudding in your chest as you sat up and looked across at the drivers seat.

It was empty and you weren't moving anymore.

You sat up straighter, the feeling of someone watching was suddenly there, making your hair stand on end, so you looked around the dark parking lot outside of the car, looking for any movement.

Your eyes caught something out of the window so you opened the door and climbed out, walking over to whatever you could see on the ground.

It looked like a puddle, but on closer inspection, you saw that it was skin. Human skin.

Disgusted, but also oddly fascinated,  you crouched down next to it, leaning in for a closer look.

"That is so gross," you whispered, your breath fogging out in front of you, in the cold.

What could have done that?

You didn't even have time to wonder as suddenly your senses flared to life and you threw yourself to the left,  something sailing over your head.

You rolled when you hit the deck, back on your feet and facing your attacker in an instant.

What you saw made you freeze.

Standing in front of you was... You.

Other you smirked and took a step to the left, but you stepped to the right, not allowing her any closer, so slowly you circled eachother.

"Surprised Y/N?" She asked and you didn't grace her with an answer, and instead asked a question of your own.

"What are you?" You demanded, and then cast your eyes back down to the puddle of person, suddenly realising who it was.

"And what did you do to Harlan?!"

The girl laughed, her voice the same as yours.

She stepped closer, and you didn't back up this time, instead you just got out of your defensive crouch and crossed your arms, waiting for an answer. 

"Harlans gone now. I shed that skin, and now I have yours... So its the end of the line for you."

She took another step towards you and raised her hand, her fingers growing into claws and you didn't know what to do.

You were oddly calm, considering she was coming at you, her arm sweeping in a wide ark, ready to tear your throat out.

You caught her wrist and twisted it over your head, bringing her arm up behind her back, of no use to her now.

She was as surprised as you were. Clearly you knew how to fight, a fact that was further confirmed when she broke free of your grip and turned to you, slashing at your face, but you ducked down and kicked her legs out from beneath her.

She hit the floor but was getting back up faster than you thought possible, so you did the only thing you could think of to stop her and tackled her, taking you both to the floor. 

You both fought for the upper hand, but she was stronger than you and it didn't take long for you to be pinned beneath her.

"Get off me!" You snarled, but she just smiled and tightened her grip on your arms, drawing blood that dripped down your bare arms.

Hissing, you tried to throw her, but she was too strong and just laughed at you, her eyes wondering down your body to where your tee was riding up, exposing your stomach.

"What's this? A tattoo?" She started as she pulled your tee further up to look at it.

When she saw it, she recoiled as if burned and hissed at you.

"Hunter!"

You had no idea what she meant, but suddenly she was terrified, and in her momentary distraction, she had let go of your arms, so you reached for your knife and then drove it at her heart, the blade sharp enough that you met little resistance.

As soon as you'd done it, you felt sick.

What had you done?

The girl on top of you stared down at the knife in her chest as blood spread out on her shirt.

She looked at you as her face went slack and she fell forwards, landing on you and pinning you beneath her.

You started panicking and struggling, trying to get her off you.

When you were free, you backed up, crying in fear.

You'd just killed someone. 

She would have killed you if you hadn't, but you still felt ill.

Sure enough, you threw up on the tarmac, the very small contents of your stomach being thrown up.

You wiped your mouth with the back of your hand and sniffed, walking back to the girl on the floor, tears still streaking down your cheeks.

Nudging her with your booted foot, you turned her onto her back and then looked away. 

Her eyes were still open, even though she was clearly dead.

You didn't know why you did it, but you kneeled down on her chest and pulled your knife back out, the sound making your stomach turn over, but you carried on and wiped the blade on your pants before putting it back in your waistband.

Then you backed up again, suddenly scared if someone had seen you, so you cast frantic looks around as you backed up and then turned and ran.

You followed the pull in your chest, chanting one word in your head, over and over again to stop you from freaking out and thinking about what you'd just done. 

Winchester... Winchester.... Winchester 

You ran for miles, but then you had to stop. Your adrenaline was gone, and you felt weaker than you ever had before. So weak that you almost couldn't keep moving.

Goosebumps covered your bare arms as you'd left your jacket in the car, and you were also Shivering due to the adrenaline come down.

You just prayed that your destination was close.

You walked for about an hour, drifting in and out of consciousness, even as you walked, but eventually you knew that you were almost there.

The pull was so strong that you were pretty sure it was physically pulling you.

You'd walked down some sort of forest path, and finally you found yourself at a door.

Swaying on your feet, you raised your hand and knocked.

You were so weak that you knew no one could have heard it, so summoning the last of your strength, you hammered your fist down on the door, three times.

Thump

Thump

Thump.

Your eyes started to close and you tried to stand up by yourself, but your knees shook violently.

You had no idea what waited for you on the other side of that door, but whatever it was, you were powerless to stop it from anything, so you just waited.

You felt yourself lose consciousness as the door opened, and all you saw was the strong arms of a dark haired man reaching for you as you fell forward.

He must have caught you as you felt no pain, and just before you drifted completely, you heard him shout one word.

"DEAN!"


	2. Chapter 2

"Dean! There's a girl! She's collapsed... Clear the table!"

There was the sound of footsteps and you old feel yourself being gently swayed as whoever was carrying you jogged.

Another voice joined his, lower but more relaxed.

"Dude! Where the hell did she come from?" The second voice asked from beside you, but you didn't even have the strength to open your eyes.

The guy holding you placed you down on a smooth, cold surface and answered the other man as he gently lifted your head and put something beneath it.

"I heard a knock and when I opened the door she callapsed into my arms... What the hell is she doing this far out of town? It's snowing out there man, she looks blue... Help me get some blankets," he ordered, and the last thing you heard was two pairs of feet running away. Then you zoned out completely.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

When Sam and Dean came back, both with an arm full of blankets each, they hesitated at the sight of you.

Your lips were blue, and your skin was pale from cold, but your black tee was unmistakably covered with blood.

Before either man could try and find a wound, Castiel was standing over you, looking down at you.

"The blood is not hers. She has no injuries to heal, but her soul... Her soul is tainted. There is a darkness about her, and I cannot tell why."

He ran a hand down you face, seeing if he could heal you in any way, but you were fine. Just exhausted and hungry, which only the brothers could help you with.

Sam and Dean moved towards you and got to work on warming you up.

When Dean caught sight of your shirt he raised his eyebrows and nodded.

"Chick's got good taste in music, whoever she is," he commented and Sam rolled his eyes.

Before he could say anything, you opened your eyes and shot up into a sitting position, your eyes finding the three men in the room.

Both brothers jumped in shock and you blinked once before your vision started to fail you again and you fell to the side.

You would have fallen from the table, but the guy who'd carried you in moved forward and caught you again, holding you up as the other two stepped forward, the taller one with green eyes lowered himself to your eye level and put a hand on your shoulder.

"Who are you? What do you want?" He asked, but you had only enough strength to mutter one word before you passed out again.

"Winchester."

The two men looked between each other and then back at your slumped form.

Dean spoke first, moving closer to you and pulling a knife from his waistband.

Sam's eyes widened, and he tried to pull you away, but Dean hardened his gaze and stopped him, reaching for your unconscious form and patting you down for any weapons.

He found the knife in the waistband of your jeans and pulled it out, raising his eyebrows at his brother who frowned as he looked at it.

"That looks a lot like..."

"Rubys knife," Dean finished for him, holding both blades in his hands.

Your knife had a darker hilt than Rubys, and the blade seemed to be made up of two different metals, one covering each side of the blade, merging in the middle where the symbols were enscribed.

Dean looked up from the blades to his brother, raising his eyebrows and then Sighing as he looked back down at you.

"We'll check her with silver and holy water, and if she lights up, we'll waste her," he started, but he felt uneasy about it.

There was something about you that brought out his protective side and he didn't know why.

Maybe it was just the fact that you were a young woman who might be in danger, but maybe it had something to do with the look in your eyes when you'd woken up. The look like you'd already seen too much.

Sam nodded and lay you back down on the table, stepping back to allow Dean to put your knife aside as he stepped forward and went to cut a line on your arm, but Castiel's voice called for him to stop.

"That's not necessary. She is not a creature of any description... She is human."

Both brothers sighed in relief, but then Dean looked back at the blade and Sam spoke.

"She could still be dangerous though... I mean in my experience, if an unknown shows up with a knife and asking for us, it never ends well... She might be dangerous," he started and Dean shrugged and looked at your unconscious form.

"She doesn't look very dangerous..."

Cas tilted his head and went to say something, but Sam cut in.

"It doesn't matter. I'm gonna take her down to the dungeon before she wakes up."

He removed the blankets and started to pick you up again, but then Dean objected.

"Whoa, you can't just lock her in the dungeon, Sammy. What if she wakes up and is just a girl? She's gonna think we kidnapped her or something, and then when we let her go her first stop will be the cops. We don't need that right now," he explained and Sam threw his hands up in the air.

"Well what about Millie?"

Dean frowned at the mention of his twin.

"What about her?" He demanded and Sam rolled his eyes, stepping back from you as he met his brother's stare.

"She's just getting back on her feet properly since getting back from Hell. She needs some normality, and this girl could be a witch, sent here as pay back for offing the king of hell... I say we just take her to the nearest hospital and let them take care of her!"

Dean couldn't believe what he was hearing. Sammy had always been the softer one. The one who was too trusting. Who saw all the good in people before the bad. What had changed?

Sam answered when Dean repeated the question out loud, his tone a lot softer now as he looked between Cas and his brother.

"You died. So did Millie, and you both went to Hell and Back, and that doesn't sit well with me... I am not risking anything anymore... I'm not gonna lose you both again," he promised, going to pick you back up.

Dean sighed and stepped around the table, going to stand in front of his younger brother, stopping him from leaving the bunker.

"Sammy, I see where you're coming from man, but she came here, maybe for help, and I can't just turn her away... She could be someone's sister. We need to at least try," he argued and Sammy sighed in defeat.

Cas looked over at you, his head tilted slightly as he wondered if you were a witch, or if you were a danger to Millie at all.

As an angel of the Lord, it was his job to protect humans, and so he was all for Deans plan to keep you at the bunker. But if you proved to be a danger towards Millie, he wouldn't hesitate to smite you where you stood.

Dean managed to convince Sammy to chain you up in one of the spare rooms. That way they could watch over you until you were better, while making sure that you couldn't hurt any body.

Once you were secured, Dean pulled up a chair and took first watch.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The next time you woke up, you were no longer freezing, but quite warm and comfortable.

You opened your eyes and found yourself looking at a bedside table.

On it was a bowl of something hot and a bottle of water.

As soon as you caught a whiff of the hot soup in the bowl, your stomach cramped up painfully, making you bend up.

Or at least try.

You tried to move your hands but found them chained above your head, of no use to you.

You tried to stay calm as you looked around the room you were in, jumping when you saw a tall guy with dark hair sat in a seat, watching you.

Freezing in place, you met his gaze and recognised him as the guy who'd carried you in.

He reached out towards you and you flinched away, but he opened his palm and stopped, showing you that he meant no harm.

Slowly you relaxed, never taking your eyes from him.

He started talking to you quietly, trying to keep you calm as he reached for the water and soup.

"Hey. It's okay. You're alright. Just stay calm, I'm not going to hurt you," he promised as he showed you the soup.

Your stomach rumbled and he half smiled.

"I promise it's okay. It'll make you feel better... I want you to feel better," he tried, but you ignored your stomach and glared at him.

"What's with the chains then? They don't exactly scream safety to me!" You replied sarcastically, but then the guy chuckled and picked something up from his lap.

It was your knife.

You froze at the sight of it, but he spoke anyway.

"The chains aren't for your protection. Now you can eat this soup now, or I can come back later and it'll be cold."

Geez, he's like a stroppy mother... You thought to yourself as you relaxed and nodded, trying to sit up a little.

The guy put everything down and went to touch you, asking your permission with his hazel eyes before he undid the shakles on your ankles and then lifted you into a sitting position.

You still couldn't use your hands, so he was gonna have to feed you.

Blushing as he raised the spoon to your mouth, you avoided his gaze as you ate a spoon full, almost moaning with the pleasure that having food in your stomach gave you.

The guy chuckled and you looked up at him.

"My Name's Sam by the way. Sam Winchester..."

You almost choked on your soup and he had to hammer on your back to help you breathe again, and when you could you couldn't believe it.

Winchester was a person. Did you know them?

Your answer came with Sam's next question.

"So who are you? What do you want me and Dean for?" He asked and you sighed in defeat.

"I was hoping you could tell me," you answered honestly.

Sam frowned so you told him everything that had happened since you woke up, leaving out that you'd killed the girl who attacked you, and he sat there and listened carefully, not saying anything until you finished talking.

He absorbed everything and then picked up your knife.

"What did you do to your attacker? How did you escape?"

Sam knew that it had been a shifter by the way that you had described the skin you'd found, and because the girl had been your double.

The way you looked at the knife and then quickly away gave Sam his answer. Clearly you'd killed it.

Sam had to hide his amazement from you.

Somehow you'd managed to kill a shifter, by yourself, using a silver knife, and escaping without a single scratch.

It was either pure luck, or some deep ingrained instinct and one hell of a fighting spirit.

Sam has his theories, but for now he would just explain what he could to you.

He helped you finish off your soup and then sat next to you for a moment, both of you just looking at each other.

Then Sam made up his mind and leaned forwards and took hold of your wrist, removing the chains and then sitting back.

You moved carefully, unsure why he was releasing you.

Looking over at the door, you were sure you were fast enough to make it out before Sam could catch you, but something about the way he had just released you made you trust him, so you didn't run.

Instead, you sat up straighter and looked at him, ready for anything.

"So what's your name then?" He asked and you opened your mouth to answer, but then the door opened and another guy walked in. One you recognised from when you'd woken up the first time.

The good looking, green eyed guy.

You gaze met his and he stopped and looked between you and Sam.

Sam ignored him and after a moment, he relaxed and came further into the room, leaning on the wall with his arms crossed and Sam asked you your name again.

Without taking your eyes from the guy leaning on the wall, you answered quietly.

"Y/N. That's all I know. I don't know anything else. Just my name, and that I had to find "Winchester". So I followed my gut and ended up here. I don't know how I knew you'd be here, but I also don't really care. I just wanna know what happened to me, and found out who I was."

The two guys shared a look and then stood up and walked to the door together, where you could hear Sam explaining to the guy what you'd told him.

The guy nodded along, and then said something else before leaving again.

Sam walked back to you and took a deep breath before starting to talk again.

"Y/N... I think I know who you were before this... Or rather, what you were... And I know it's gonna sound crazy at first, but if you let me explain, it'll all make sense in the end..." He started, looking to you to see if he should go on, so you sighed and crossed your arms.

"Shoot."

Sam leaned forward as he began to explain.

"Y/N, I think you're a hunter. Just like me and Dean... The guy who just came in here... We aren't just ordinary hunters... We hunt monsters."

You knew that what he was saying was absurd and you ought to laugh, but at the same time, you couldn't help but lean closer and wait for him to explain to you.

He took your silence as a cue to continue and did so, explaining what a hunter was and what all the monsters were that they hunted.

To sum up, he explained why he thought you were a hunter.

Apparently the clone you had been a shifter, and she hadn't killed Harlan, but was Harlan and had shed that skin.

By the fact that you carried a demon killing blade, managed to take down a shifter by yourself and find your way to the Winchesters with no help or reason, Sam concluded that you were in fact a hunter.

You listened intently as he explained, and when he finished, you hesitated, just letting it all sink in for a moment before you sat up straight.

"Okay, so is there a test we can do? Like do I have special blood or something?" You asked, sure that everything Sam had said made sense, and the fact that it sounded familiar made you hopeful that you could maybe have a lead as to who you were.

Sam shook his head and sighed.

"No. We're all just regular humans, but some of us have markings.... we get protection tattoos... But not all hunters even have them, so even that's not accu... What are you doing?"

You ignored him as you stood up on the bed and pulled the waistband of your jeans down and your AC/DC shirt up, exposing the tattoo on your hip.

Sam gasped and you looked at him, watching him pull down the collar of his shirt to reveal an exact copy of your tattoo on his collar bone.

You both shared a smile, but before you could say anything, the door banged open and Dean came charging in, snapping his phone shut as he looked up at you, his eyes landing on your tattoo for a moment before he spoke.

"Y/N, I found out who you are... You were a hunter..."

You rolled you eyes and smiled.

"We already figured that out..."

Dean shook his head furiously.

"No. You don't understand... Were a hunter... Y/N, you died a year ago."


	3. Chapter 3

You'd been staying at the bunker for 8 days.

The boys had taken you in and made you feel at home, giving you your own room and introducing you to Millie, their sister.

You were treated like a guest, and were allowed to leave whenever you wanted, but you saw no point as the Winchesters and their angel had everything you needed.

Shelter ... Food.... information.... Protection.

You'd be stupid to leave them before you had somewhere to go. Especially as they knew people who you'd known before you'd died. People who they were gonna reintroduce to you, as you couldn't remember them after you died.

Even thinking that made you feel weird.

You'd died.

You had not existed for an entire year, yet there you were, alive and kicking.

That was all thanks to the Winchesters too. You would be dead all over again if they'd turned you away, and you continued to be thankful for their charity and friendship.

Without them, you'd be nothing, but they'd let you in and helped you return to health, offering you a place in their bunker for as long as you needed it.

Your bedroom was the furthest away from Millie's, which you knew was because the angel didn't trust you yet and he was in love with the other girl.

You'd figured that out on your second day when he pulled you aside in the dark hallway and promised to smite you if you even thought of hurting Millie.

It wasn't exactly personal, so you didn't mind. You just wished you had a friend, or someone to watch over you at night.

The days you could handle, but not night time. Everytime you closed your eyes, you were plagued by memories of where you spent your after life.

Clearly you hadn't been a very good person in your previous life, as you'd spent that last year in hell.

Apparently it wasn't such a rare fate for hunters, as both Dean and Millie had died and gone to Hell before being returned to their bodies, both rescued from the pit by loved ones.

You didn't know who had rescued you, but you were holding out hope that someone would find you. Someone from before.

Maybe they could keep the nightmares at bay.

You pulled your knees up to your chest and rested your chin on them, staring at the blank wall in the semi dark room.

You'd been sat that way for hours, fighting off the heaviness of your eyelids, tempting you to sleep.

You were fighting a loosing battle though, and you knew it. You'd have to sleep at some point, and when you did, the nightmares would return.

Tears stung your eyes as you realised that you were gonna have to go back there eventually. There was no way to escape the memories.

Half debating whether or not to just accept defeat and go to sleep, you found yourself interrupted by a light knock at the door and then someone opened the door and stepped inside.

It was Dean.

When you saw that it was him, you quickly wiped your eyes and looked at him, offering him a small smile.

He frowned and whispered as he stepped closer to you.

"I'm sorry Y/N, did I wake you up?" He asked and you shook your head and tapped the bed in front of you, offering him a seat.

Dean hesitated and then moved forward, sitting down and looking around your bare room.

"I just wanted to check on you. Make sure everything is oka... Have you been crying?" He asked as he looked up and noticed your tear tracked face.

You shook your head and tried to smile, but your lip started to wobble and then your composure failed as you started to cry again, your head falling into your hands.

Dean only hesitated for a second before he stood up and moved till he was sitting next to you.

He put his arm around you and guided your head to his shoulder.

"Hey. It's alright... What's the matter?" He asked and you hiccupped as you tried to calm down so you could talk to him.

It took a few tries, but then you could finally talk.

"I'm sorry. I j..just don't want to close my eyes," you stuttered, too tired to be embarrassed.

Dean froze for a moment and then began stroking your hair.

"Nightmares?" He asked you and you looked up at him and nodded.

His green eyes seemed to darken and he tightened his grip on you a little.

You leaned into him and returned to staring at the wall, but Dean started talking quietly, keeping you awake.

"I know what it's like... Believe me, I know. When I got back from the Pit, I had nightmares for months... I know Millie did too. Her nightmares didn't last as long because she has Cas and he was there while she slept. It helped her a lot..."

You half smiled and closed your eyes.

"I need a person to be here. Maybe I could sleep then, and not see my death over and over again..."

Dean didn't say anything and then you opened your eyes and sat up.

"Oh, I didn't mean you. I don't want you to... That's not what I meant..."

Dean chuckled and hushed you, so you relaxed again.

After a moment, Dean asked you a question.

"Are you still learning more about yourself though?" He asked and you nodded.

Even though you had nightmares, memories of your life before the pit continued to surface, so it wasn't all bad, but even then it wasn't pleasant. You'd been through a lot in the few memories you'd managed to glimpse.

"Yeah. I used to hunt with my brother, but he died on a siren hunt. My favourite food is PB&J sandwiches, and my favourite song is by Twisted Sister."

Dean smiled at the mention of your favourite song. He had a surprise for you if you liked Twisted Sister.

Instead of admitting that, he suggested that maybe you should get some sleep and find out some more, but you shook your head furiously.

You did not want to see the pit again. You'd had enough.

Dean sighed but let it go.

"How many hours have you been up, anyway?" He asked out of curiosity and you flinched a little, glancing at your clock so you could work it out.

"Um... 68?"

Dean thought about it for only a second before sitting up and glaring at you.

"That's like three days! Y/N you need to sleep to get better! Go to sleep!" He ordered as he stood up, but he knew even as he walked away that you wouldn't.

Sighing, he returned to you and motioned for you to move over.

You watched him as you did as he instructed, and when you were out of the way, he climbed into the bed next to you and lay back.

You remained upright, staring at the hot guy in your bed.

When you didn't lie down, he opened his eyes and looked at you.

"I'm not gonna bite, Y/N. I'm here to help. You go to sleep, and if you have a nightmare, I'll be here. You won't be alone," he promised and you had to fight back tears of gratitude.

Instead of arguing with him, you lay down beside him and closed your eyes.

Dean watched you, long after you fell asleep, studying the lines on your face.

You didn't let your guard down, even when you slept, and Dean could see the hilt of your knife under your pillow, just like he had in his room.

He couldn't help but smile then. He liked you. You were his kinda person, and shared the same music taste and hunter tics.

You just needed to come out of your shell a bit.

In order to do that, you'd need to stop being scared to sleep and face your nightmares. If he could help you in any way, Dean was ready to do it. You were both Pit survivors, just like Millie, and so you had to stick together and get through it by helping each other.

It was Christmas in two days, and Bobby and Charlie were visiting the bunker. Both of them had known you before, and so Dean was hoping that would help you feel less out of place on Christmas day.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

You didn't wake up for two days, and on the second day you woke up to Dean shaking your shoulders with a smile on his face and a Christmas hat on.

He dragged you to the library and you saw that there was a Christmas tree up and presents scattered around the room.

You looked at them and then at the four other people in the room.

The angel was glowering at you like normal, but the three Winchesters were beaming.

Millie spoke first.

"Merry Christmas Y/N!"

You didn't know what to say, but Sammy didn't let you as he pointed to a pile of presents and grinned.

"That's your pile. It's not much, and Dean chose most of it, but we know you don't have much, and we want to help... So this is your first gift, and you have two more arriving shortly," he started and you smiled and then looked between them all.

"Thank you so much. I don't know what to say..."

Millie waved you off and beamed.

"Don't say anything! Just get your ass in here so I can open my presents too!" She ordered and you grinned before stepping over to your pile, and under the ever watchful eye of Dean, you opened your gifts.

There was mainly just clothes, but you still felt touched that they'd gotten you anything. They'd only known you for just over a week, and they were being so generous to you.

You looked up and saw that Millie and the angel were sat together, staring into each other's eyes as they ignored the scattered presents around them.

Sam had disappeared and Dean was messing around with something on the table.

You stood up and walked over to him, sitting down next to him and looking at the device in his hand.

He was taking it apart, so you figured it was broken.

"What's wrong with your EMF meter? I haven't seen one of those in years!" You chuckled, picking a piece up and twirling it between your fingers.

Dean had paused what he was doing and turned to look at you.

Unsure of what you'd done, you raised your eyebrows and met his gaze.

His green eyes assessed you for a moment before he spoke, his tone half amused and half something else, you didn't quite know what.

He picked up the device and inclined his head at you.

"You know what this is?"

You frowned.

"Yeah. So what?" You asked and Dean smiled, but then you figured it out and grinned widely.

"I remember! Dean, that's something from before! It's coming back!"

You grabbed his arm and shook it in excitement, making him laugh and then pull back.

Calming down and allowing yourself a moment to be embarrassed, you leaned closer and watched Dean work, eventually asking him if he needed a hand and then helping him just to pass time.

After a while, there was a loud bang as the bunker door was threw open and a red haired girl and a bearded old man came through.

The red head spotted you and then ran down the stairs and straight for you.

You froze as she charged you, unsure of what to do, but then it was too late as she barreled into you, almost taking you off your feet.

"Y/N!" She squeaked as she held you close. Her grapefruit shampoo assaulted your nose and with it came a flood of memories, leading you to your answer.

"CHARLIE!"

She relaxed in your arms as you said her name and then pulled back and smiled at you.

"I knew you couldn't forget me..."

You smiled and searched for something to say, but then the older guy was there and you remembered him too and before you had time to think about it, you dodged his arms as he tried to hug you and slapped him across the face.

Dean, Millie and Cas all stepped closer to you, ready to prevent you from hitting him again, but Bobby held up a hand.

"Stop. It's fine. I deserved that... Good to see..."

This time you caught Bobby off guard as you threw yourself into his arms, holding onto him so tightly that you were scared that you might break if you let go.

Bobby held onto you just as tight and whispered soothing words into your hair.

"Its alright girl, I've got you now. Ev'ry things gonna be alright now. I'm so sorry."

You tried not to cry as your mind was assaulted with memories of your last night on earth.

The hounds had been coming for you and Bobby was supposed to have your back, but he'd been drinking away his sorrows at the loss of a hunter and you'd suffered.

You'd died because Bobby Singer was too busy being a drunken fool to come and help you on a hunt.

Bobby Singer was the closest thing you and your brother had had to family, and when your brother died, Bobby was all you had.

He promised to always have your back, but the one time you'd needed him, he let you down, and you'd died terrified and alone.

You knew Bobby felt terrible, and clearly he had stopped drinking so much since as he could actually stand up by himself, so you were willing to forgive him.

For whatever reason, you'd been given a second chance, so that was what you'd give Bobby.

You let go of Bobby and stood up straight, allowing yourself to smile as you looked between Charlie and Bobby.

People had loved you. You remembered now.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The rest of the day passed in a blur, and late that night, you and Charlie were both curled up in your bed, Charlie fast asleep with Star Wars Pjs on.

You were just laying on your side of the bed, looking up at the ceiling when your door slowly opened and Dean popped his head around the door.

When he saw you awake, he looked a little sheepish, but you gestured for him to come in, so he did.

He closed the door behind him and walked over to your bed.

You moved your legs and sat up, making room for him on the bed and he laughed as he looked at Charlie and sat down.

"I see you don't need me anymore," he joked, gesturing to your sleeping friend and you smiled and shrugged, a little nervous.

Dean looked down at his hands and you followed his gaze, realising that he had a present wrapped in his hands.

You met his eyes and he almost seemed to blush as he mumbled an explanation and handed it to you.

"Its not much... It's just something I thought you'd like, and I know it's not new... and if you hate it that's fine... I'm just gonna go.. "

He got up and started to walk away, but having opened your gift, you jumped up and surprised both of you by jumping off your bed and hugging him.

Your feet hung a little off the ground as he was so much taller than you, but neither of you really cared.

"Thank you, Dean. I love it!" You promised as he let you go, and you slid back down to the ground.

Dean grinned, a little embarrassed and looked like he was going to say something, but then Charlie rolled over and moaned in her sleep, making the two of you freeze.

Once she had settled again, Dean waved at you as he left and you smiled and then got back into bed, holding onto your new Twisted Sister tee.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The next few weeks passed by slowly with you growing closer to everyone in the bunker, including Cas, who had grown to like having you around and would even speak to you now.

Bobby and Charlie helped you remember bits of your past, and everyday you felt more like the girl you once were.

You still had nightmares most nights, but it was getting g easier to cope with, and during the days, Millie would help you distract yourself by training.

She made you swear not to tell the guys, but you knew that they had found out one night as there was a shouting match going on between the three siblings.

You stayed in your room and in the morning you were confronted by Sam and Dean in the kitchen.

Millie was sat at the table, eating cheerios while Sam and Dean cornered you by the coffee maker.

Sam spoke first.

"So we know that Millie has been training you, and while we don't think it's a good idea, Millie seems to think that you are pretty good without any help, and so we came to a decision last night..."

He took a deep breath as if he was about to say something hard and you found yourself worried about what he was going to say.

"...Clearly you can look after yourself," he paused and you had just long enough to think that you were being sent away before Dean jumped in and put you out of your misery.

"So we think that you should come on a hunt with us... If you're as good as Millie is making out, then you'll be fine. But if you can't handle it, then we don't want you to get back in the game until we decide... Fair?" He asked and you couldn't help the massive grin that came to your face as you nodded enthusiastically.

Sam sighed and walked away and Dean smirked and patted you on your shoulder as he went to sit next to his twin, who was looking very proud of herself.

You grinned at her and then left, returning to your room and sitting down on the bed and allowing the grin to fall from your face.

Your heart was still hammering from the fear you'd felt when you thought they were kicking you out.

Clearly you'd grown attached to the Winchesters and their angel in the few weeks you'd been with them, as the panic and betrayal you'd felt when you thought they didn't want you anymore had hurt. A lot.

Once you'd calmed down, you found everyone and asked what you'd be hunting.

Sam smirked as he told you, having chose the biggest and most dangerous case for you, hoping that you'd fail and then need to train some more.

"Demon pack. A days drive from here."

You nodded, a little nervous, before shaking it off and meeting his gaze.

"Okay then. Let's get started."

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Almost 30 hours later, you were sat in the back of the impala with Millie, laughing with all three Winchesters.

The hunt had gone smoothly, and you'd proven your capabilities to the boys, earning their respect and trust.

To begin with, Sam and Dean had been covering you, making sure that you weren't getting hurt, but pretty soon the tables had turned and you were dancing circles around them, killing more demons than the two of them combined.

Millie had high five you and laughed at the boys gobsmacked expressions as you finished off the last demon, saving Deans ass in the process.

You'd gone in armed with your knife you'd been found with and hadn't even gotten scratched.

Now in the impala, you teased the brothers.

"Its okay guys. I mean, it's not like you guys were hunting the whole time I was kicking it in Hell... oh wait..."

They pulled faces at you and you laughed and sat back in your seat, able to fully relax for the first time in a while.

You felt like a hunter now. Not just the ghost of a once-great warrior.

Dean caught your eye in the rear view mirror and grinned.

"So, Y/N... When we get back to the bunker, do you wanna show me some of those moves you pulled off back there? Maybe we can teach eachother some things..."

You grinned, and feeling a new wave of confidence hit you, you decided to flirt with him.

"Dean, if you wanted to show me your moves, you Should've just asked."

Millie snorted and Sam laughed as they looked at their brother.

Dean didn't say anything but you noticed a new, playful glint in his eye that made you hopeful that you would be teaching each other moves.

The rest of the journey was long, and you were tired, but just as you sat back and relaxed, the conversation shifted and Sam called over the seats to Millie.

"Hey, I wonder if those Demons belonged to Crowley. They seemed a little disorganised. Like they had no orders..."

Dean and Millie joined in with Sam, but you were stuck on that name.

Crowley....

It rang a bell but you couldn't figure out why.

After a while you gave up and closed your eyes, quickly falling asleep in the back seat.

As usual, your dreams took you back to Hell, but this time you weren't being tortured, you were just observing a scene from a distance.

You couldn't make out any of the demons faces, but a British accent drifted to you, making a pit form in your stomach.

Something about it was familiar to you, and you knew it had something to do with Crowley, so you started forward, heading for the source of the voice, knowing that all would become clear when you reached it.

There was a dark sense of foreboding hanging over you, but you tried to ignore it as you walked on through the dark tunnel.

The voice was getting louder, but then you suddenly felt like you were being pulled in the opposite direction, away from the voice and your answers.

You fought back, but then you opened your eyes and froze.

Dean was leaning over the seats in the impala, shaking your leg to wake you up.

You yawned and looked around the car.

It was empty except for you and Dean, so you smiled at him and took his hand, allowing him to help you out of the car.

He slammed the door behind you and you hugged yourself to keep warm.

Dean glanced at you as he checked his phone and then hesitated slightly before you walked into the bunker, looking down at his boots and then back at you.

"So... Do you wanna hang out? Liken watch a movie or something?" He asked and you looked up into his face and smiled.

"That would be nice..."

Dean smiled and put his arm around your shoulders, in a friendly way, but you still couldn't knock the grin off your face.

Inside the bunker, you sat on the couch next to Dean as you watched the movie.

You stayed a respectable distance apart, a fact which may have bothered you if you'd been paying any more attention, but you couldn't focus on anything other than that name.

Crowley.

You knew it, but how?


	4. Chapter 4

The king of hell had a plan.

A brilliant plan, even by his standards.

He was finally gonna defeat those irksome Winchesters and get the girls soul back forever.

Crowley sat on his throne and looked down at the demons in front of him, both of whom were sharing worried glances between the king of Hell and his hound.

It was rarely good news when Crowley called his demons into his chambers and wanted to talk to them in private. A fact which was well known throughout hell by all demons.

The two demons didn't know what they had done, but they had been kneeling in front of the king for a while now. None of them were brave enough to question the king though, so they just remained kneeling like good little servants.

After a while, Crowley snapped out of his thoughts and looked down at the demons kneeling at his feet.

He had only called them into there so that he could gloat about his new plan that he was so proud of.

"Get up," he ordered and the two demons got to their feet and waited for Crowley to come and stand in front of them, where he smirked at them both.

"I've figured it out!" He excalimed and the two demons looked at one another before the braver of the two chose to question the king.

"Sir?"

Crowley laughed and turned around, looking at his sleeping hell hound in the corner.

"How to get the Winchester girl's soul back and defeat the Winchesters forever! It is a masterpiece, even by my standards... All I have to do is kill the squirrel. Without him, they will fall apart again, and then I can kill the bitch and bring her soul back here, where it will stay forever."

The two demons shared a look, bothing thinking the same thing.

"Dean Winchester is a hard man to put down. And even then he doesn't stay down for long. He just comes back. How are you going to kill him when no other demon has managed to before? Not even yourself?" One of the demons asked, knowing that he was likely to regret even asking, but they couldn't just remain silent.

Strangely, Crowley just smiled at him and then pointed to something behind the demons.

They turned around and saw that in the corner of the room, behind the sleeping hell hound was a girl, chained up and half beaten to death.

"She is my secret weapon. Soon she will be ready to take on the Winchester and kill him. She is strong enough to do it."

The braver demon saw the logic in the plan.

Send in an expendable and then Crowley would lose nothing.

"Does Dean know her? Does he trust her?" He asked eagerly, loving the thought of the Winchesters being betreyed by someone close to them, but Crowley shook his head.

"No. They have never met."

Now the demons were back to being confused, but Crowley just waved them off and sat back down on his throne, grinning at his own brilliant plan.

"All shall be revealed. Patience," he grinned.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

You woke up sweating.

Your nightmares had taken you down a different route this time. Not a memory.

But they had helped you remember.

Finally the question you had been asking yourself for the past month, since the name was first mentioned to you by Sam, had been answered.

Crowley was the king of Hell.

You knew that you knew the name, but now you knew why.

He had been the one to torture you in hell.

You still felt that you were forgetting something else about him, but you didn't know what.

You also had no idea what your dream meant, or who the girl in the corner was, but you hoped for her sake that it was just a dream. If she was real, you felt sorry for her and the state that she was in, but also how dead she would be if she tried to kill Dean.

Dean was a capable hunter himself, and he was surrounded by hunters who would quite willingly die for him, so she would be unlikely to succeed and live to tell the tale.

Your thoughts were interrupted by a knock at the door and then Dean walked in, just like he did every morning around 6AM, two cups of coffee in his hands, and his hair still messed up from sleeping.

You smiled and scooted over so he could sit down next to you, and then when he was comfortable, Dean did what he did every morning and he handed you a cup of coffee and took a sip of his before sighing and asking you about your nightmares.

For whatever reason, talking about your nightmares helped you deal with them, and spending time with Dean was an added bonus.

You and him were growing closer every day, and you noticed how the gaps between him leaving your room at night and returning in the morning were growing shorter with every passing day.

You explained what you'd dreamt about last night and Dean listened carefully, and when you were done, he started asking you questions.

"Did you recognise who the girl was?" He asked, but you shook your head and took another sip of coffee before replying.

"No. Her face was covered and he didn't say who she was... Should we be worried?" You asked and Dean shrugged and shook his head.

"Nah. Crowley is long dead, and we don't have to worry about him anymore. Millie killed him and he ain't coming back. You don't have to worry about him getting to you again," he promised.

You frowned and looked away.

"It's not me I'm worried about," you confessed, not really caring how Dean took that.

Dean smirked and then ran a hand over your bare shoulder, making goosebumps rise on your skin.

Before you turned to him though, he had withdrawn his touch and turned away, sitting on the edge of your bed.

He stood up to leave, but on the walk to the door, he stopped and turned around, half smiling at you.

"I'll be fine, Y/N. I can handle myself..."

You nodded and finished off your coffee before climbing to your feet and walking with Dean to the kitchen.

You sat down on the side and picked up a box of Lucky Charms, eating them straight out of the pack, and washing them down with another cup of coffee.

Dean fried up some bacon and you stole a piece from his plate as he walked passed, earning a growl from him as he sat down at the table.

It was very quiet and you wondered where the others were, as they were all usually up at this time.

Shrugging it off, you jumped off the side and sat near Dean on the table, slurping your coffee.

It was strange being alone with Dean in the kitchen, but then he started talking and you stopped thinking about it.

"So Y/N... I was wondering if you would like to go out for a drive today? Just get out of town for a while? I'll even buy dinner and let you pick the music?"

Laughing, you nodded and stole another piece of bacon.

"Well with an offer like that, how can I refuse?"

Dean was pleased with himself. He'd never had so much trouble asking a girl out before. Usually he'd charm them pretty quickly and then the night was his playground.

But you were different. You weren't like the girls in the bars who threw themselves at him.

You were quiet. Flirty at times, and one hell of a fighter, but you were hard to read.

Dean was glad that he'd taken the time to get to know you.

You were a girl worth knowing, and Dean knew that you were the type of girl a guy should hold onto if he could. You were special.

And now you were going on a date.

Dean grinned at the thought of a whole day with you to himself. No distractions, just you, him and baby.

You weren't on the same page as Dean though, as you finished your coffee and then put the cup in the sink before asking a question to the back of his head.

"So is Sammy or Millie coming with?" You asked, and Dean paused his chewing for a second before continuing and answering your question.

"Nope. Its just us... That is, if you don't mind?"

You were thankful for the fact that he was facing the other way as you blushed deeply at the thought of you two alone together for a whole day.

"N... No that's fine. Just give me an hour to get ready, and we can go," you offered as you quickly left the room, running back to your bedroom, where you showered and got ready.

An hour and a half later, you were sitting shotgun in the Impala while Dean paid for gas.

You watched him queue up, sighing and shifting his weight every so often until he was at the front, and then he smiled at the older lady behind the counter and paid for the gas and a handful of drinks and candy.

You smiled to yourself as he walked back to the car, and when he opened the door and sat down next to you, he handed you the bag and grinned at you.

"What were you smiling at?" He asked and you looked away to hide your smile and blush, making Dean even more curious.

He reached out and touched your knee, laughing as you turned back to him.

"Come on, Y/N, you can tell me..."

You bit your lip and looked from Deans eyes to his lips, and then back up again.

Dean saw, but he was distracted by you biting your lip. He wanted to move forward and gently kiss your mouth. To feel your soft lips give beneath his and to feel your breath catch.

That was all he had wated for weeks now.

It was getting harder for him to leave you at night, and when he got back to his room, all he did was think about you. It was driving you crazy that you didn't know that that was how he felt about you.

What was worse was not knowing how you felt about him.

He wanted to be patient with you. You weren't even completely sure of who you were yet, so he didn't want to add to your stress by asking you how you felt about him. He just wanted to be near you, and help you in anyway he could.

But sitting in the front of the impala with you, he didn't feel like that. He wanted to have a selfish moment, to just lean forward and steal a kiss.

Without thinking anymore about it, Dean leaned closer and you watched, completely in shock about what was happening, but then you moved closer, leaning in, smiling slightly as the moment you'd been waiting for was finally happening...

A car horn made the pair of you jump, stopping the kiss before it had even happened, and you both moved apart again as Dean started muttering under his breath whilst he put the impala in drive and pulled away from the pump, allowing the guy in the car behind to move into the space.

You couldn't help but laugh at the situation and Dean lightened up as he watched you from the corner of his eye.

Once you were back on the road, Dean relaxed and sat back, casting a long look at you as your hair whipped around in the wind from your open window.

You were smiling and looking at something in the distance, but all Dean could think about was the almost kiss.

He had watched as you leaned forward, your eyes closing. You were going to kiss him back. He knew that he hadn't imagined it, and that put a smile on his face that no impatient jerk was gonna wipe off.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

It was almost sunset when you pulled back up at the bunker.

You and Dean had spent the day driving around, listening to music and talking. Then you'd gone to a diner for food, and ended up staying for hours, just talking and laughing.

Neither of you mentioned the almost kiss, and nor did anything like it happen again, but you felt like something had changed between you both now.

As Dean cut the engine, you made no move to get out, and when he looked at you for an explanation, you just smiled and shrugged.

"I just don't want today to be over yet. It's the most fun I can ever remember having," you said honestly, and Dean smiled and climbed out, opening your door or you.

When you got out, Dean took your hand and smiled down at you.

"Then we don't have to go back yet. Let's take a walk," he offered and you smiled and walked with him.

You walked until you were on higher ground, and then you smiled at the beautiful view of the sunsetting.

You could see clouds growing nearer and you pointed them out to Dean.

"Maybe we should head back. It looks like its going to rain..."

Dean followed your gaze, glaring at the clouds as they grew closer. Hating them for interrupting the moment.

After a moments thought, you turned back to you and smiled.

"Nah. They'll pass right over us. It won't rain," he tried, and you frowned at him and squeezed his hand a little.

"It totally is, Winchester! We're gonna get soaked!" You squeeled and Dean laughed as the first drops of rain landed on your skin.

You wanted to run, but Dean held you in place, staring up at the sky, determind that the clouds would pass and he could kiss you in the sun set.

"Dean! It's gonna rain!"

He chuckled and shook his head in denial.

"I bet it doesn't!"

You laughed harder at his childish denial and the way he screwed his eyes shut and looked up.

"Bet all you want, we're still gonna get rained on!"

Half of what you said was drowned out by thunder rumbling in the sky.

Only then did Dean open his eyes and look at you, grinning as he realised his power of pure will was not keeping the storm at bay.

You laughed and tried to pull away, but then the heavens seemed to open at once as the coldest rain you had ever felt suddenly covered you both, making you squeel and tug on Dean's arm.

This time he came with you and you both started laughing as you ran back the way you had came, already soaking wet and freezing.

You couldn't run as fast as Dean, but he didn't let go of your hand as you both ran.

It took almost three minutes to run back to the bunker, and all the way back you were both laughing, even when you fell through the door and landed in a heap.

You were too cold to stop, so you kept moving, slipping on the metal steps twice, and being steadied by Dean both times.

Millie watched you both, grinning as she saw how happy Dean was with you.

You grabbed a towel each from Dean's room as it was closer, quickly drying yourselves.

You were dripping wet though, so you both stripped down to your underwear and left your clothes and shoes in a soggy pile on the floor.

You pushed Dean's chest and he grinned at you.

"I told you it was gonna rain!" You laughed as you tried to push him, but Dean caught your hand and pulled you closer to him, his arms enclosing you and holding you against him.

You relaxed into him, hearing his strong heart beat through his chest, and you brought your other hand up and trailed it down his chest, directly over his heart, making goosebumps rise on his skin and a plesant shudder run through him.

When you looked up, you found Dean's candy apple eyes on your face, taking in every detail, until they lingered on your lips.

Dean released you but you didn't move.

You were too scared to move, for fear of ruining the moment, but Dean lifted his hand and trailed a thumb over your lips.

"You're beautiful, Y/N. You know that right?" He asked and you blushed and looked down.

"Shut up..." You mumbled, too embarrased to say anything else, but then Dean chuckled.

"You gonna make me?" 

You smiled and looked up.

Challenge accepted.

Before Dean could say another word, you stretched up onto your tip toes and pressed a kiss to his mouth.

You'd both been wanting this for a while now, and Dean's hands moved to your waist as he pulled you closer.

You smiled as your tongue traced his lower lip, the faint taste of whiskey and coffee having lingered from an earlier drink.

His kisses made you breathless, and you pulled away for a moment, allowing you both to catch your breaths, but somthing drew your gaze from beside you and you turned to look.

You screeched and jumped aside as you saw Castiel standing there, his head tilting as he regarded you both.

Dean moved so that you were behind him, protecting you before he even knew what the threat was.

When he saw the angel, he growled in annoyance and picked up the towels from the floor where they had been abandoned.

"Dammit Cas! Have you ever heard of knocking before?! Jesus!"

Cas tilted his head even more and answered the rhetorical question.

"I am familiure with the concept. Why do you ask?"

Dean shot Cas a withering look and you laughed a little and stepped forward, accepting a towel from Dean so that you could cover up.

Your face felt red, but clearly Cas wanted to speak with Dean, and it was getting late anyway, so you excused yourself and walked out of the door and into the corridor.

Dean trailed behind you, and when you reached the hall, you turned back and gave Dean a quick peck on the lips before smiling and wishing him goodnight.

He watched you walk towards your room, smiling widely.

Inside your room, you couldn't stop smiling as you went about getting ready for bed.

Your lips still felt swollen from kissing Dean and you couldn't help but rerun the memory with a smile.

You climbed into bed and drifted off to sleep, doubting you would have any nightmares tonight...

You were wrong.

It started off the same as last night, but this time, Crowley revealed more information to the demons.

He pointed at the girl in the corner and grinned at the two demons.

"I have figured out what the Winchester's biggest weakness is... Love," he said simply, causing both demons to frown.

"But I thought you said that he doesn't even know the girl. How can you use her against him if he doesn't love her?" He demanded and Crowley grinned.

"Ah... Well. Like I said. His greatest weakness is love. Especially beautifully broken things. Just like Missy over there. He will try not to, but squirrel will fall for her, and as soon as he realises that fact, my spell will take effect."

The demon didn't even hesitate before asking now.

"And what will the spell do?"

Crowley beamed like a proud school kid.

"It will make her kill him. She will have no control over her actions. All she will know is that he loves her, and she will kill him or die trying..."

Crowley left again, his demons following behind him, leaving you alone in the room with the other girl, still chained up.

You started walking towards her.

She was going to try and kill Dean.

You had to stop her. Even if it was only a dream.

Deep down though, you knew it was real. That girl was going to try and kill Dean. But you weren’t going to let her, so you stalked towards her, intent on stopping it now, however you could.

Your heartbeat thudded in you ears as you drew closer to the beaten girl, and you reached your hand out towards her, but before you even reached her, her head snapped up and her dark rimmed eyes met yours.

The shock you felt from seeing her face was enough to wake you up and you sat bolt upright in bed, a loud “NO” falling from your lips as you gasped in your breaths.

You had known the girl who was going to kill Dean.

The girl in the chains was you.


	5. Chapter 5

You watched the sun rise from the same clearing that you and Dean had watched it set from, just hours before.

The contrast between the two separate visits, only hours apart, was laughable.

The first time you'd visited, the sun had set, and you had been with Dean, laughing and not worrying about a single thing. You'd been happy.

Now you were alone. Sitting on the damp grass and terrified of ever moving again. You didn't want to hurt Dean, so you'd left before he came to your room.

You didn't doubt that he'd worry if he went into your room and found your bed empty, but you didn't care. It was to keep him safe and that's what mattered.

A small part of your mind tried to convince you that it had just been a nightmare and that Dean would be okay, but you knew better. It had been real.

As soon as you'd opened your eyes, you remembered everything from hell. The torture, and the spell.

Crowley had cast some sort of spell on you before releasing you back into the world.

Clearly something had been lost in transit, or Crowley had stolen your memories on purpose to make you more vulnerable so the Winchesters were less likely to turn you away. Either way, it would explain the strong pull you had to the Winchesters that helped you find them. It was witchcraft.

That led you to another thought.

If Crowley was dead, like the Winchesters claimed, would that make the spell ineffective? 

You could only hope, because going by your feelings for Dean, he was in real danger if he felt the same way.

You flicked your knife around in your hands, looking at the way the two metals joined together to make a deadly blade. One demon killing knife, and one half angel blade.

Your brother had given it to you when he died, and you'd had it with you every day since. It was the only thing you needed.

You knew where your thoughts were going, but you wondered if you could actually do it.

would you be able to leave? To just pick up and run, leaving the small family you'd managed to build behind you?

To save Dean Winchester, you'd leave it all.

You still didn't know if the spell would still work, but then your questions were answered as two words were spoken from behind you.

"Hello Darling."

Dread filled your chest as you heard his british accent, and you knew who was standing behind you.

Slowly you climbed to your feet and turned around.

In front of you, smirking and alove, was Crowley the king of Hell.

He was still alive.

Before you had time for your face to betray your actions, you jumped at him, bringing your knife up to stab him, but he was faster than you and he swatted you aside like you were no more than a small child.

Your knife scattered from your grip, but you no longer cared, so you got back on your feet and ran back at Crowley, pulling your fist back before punching him in the face as hard as you could.

Your knuckles complained, but Crowley's head snapped to one side.

Before you could get another hit in though, he backhanded you so hard that you flew across the clearning you were in, hitting the ground with a dull thud.

A groan fell from your split lip as you struggled to your hands and knees, but then Crowley had reached you and he kicked you hard in the side, flipping you onto your back.

He stood over you and lifted you by the collar, but even through your pain and fear, you still spat defiance at him.

"I will not hurt Dean. You might as well kill me now!"

Crowley frowned for a second and then laughed, dropping you back to the floor, making your head bounce off the grass.

"What's this?.. Don't tell me! You've fallen for the Winchester?! No! This is even better than I imagined!" He clapped his hands and you groaned again and tried to roll over, ignoring the tears in your eyes.

Crowley would not see you cry. Not while you still breathed.

You shakily got to your feet but you didn't attack.

Your knife was too far away to be of any help, and you weren't strong enough to fight him without it, so you just stood as tall as you could with your suspected cracked ribs, trying to stop your legs from shaking.

Crowley just grinned at you as he looked you up and down.

"Ah Y/N... It's good to see you back in fighting condition. It will make killing the Winchester easier..."

"Never!" You spat, and Crowley moved so fast that you didn't have time to react before he had ahold of the front of your jacket and had lifted you up so that your feet were dangling far off the floor.

"Let's get one thing straight, little girl. I don't perform rituals for the sake of my health! You will kill Dean Winchester. There is no way out of it, unless of course he kills you first, but judging by the feelings that are blooming within your heart right now, I'm going to assume he wouldn't. Love is that boy's weakness, and if he loves you, he will fall. You can't escape the spell. So deal with it," he snapped as he released you and you collapsed to your knees.

When you looked up, the king was gone, and you were once again alone in the clearing.

How did it come to this? I was a great hunter and now I'm just a demon's bitch. My fall from grace was far. From the warrior I was, to the nothing I've become...

You looked around the clearing, feeling helpless. But then your tears dried and you climbed back to your feet. 

You knew what you had to do.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXx

Back inside the bunker, you knew you had an hour or so until Dean woke up and came to check on you, so you worked fast, packing the bare minimum.

You threw a change of clothes into a bag and then grabbed your stash of poker winnings from your top drawer and shoved them in too.

Your Twisted Sister tee that Dean had given you was on your bed and you went over and picked it up, beginning to put it in with the other things you were taking, but then you paused.

Sighing, you put it back on the bed.

You needed a clean break.

You needed Dean to know that you weren't coming back, and you needed him to not follow you.

As you walked towards the door, you knew that you couldn't just leave him like that, with no explanation, so you looked at your watch and realised you had enough time if you were quick, so you sat down at your desk and found a pen and paper, hesitating before letting the words flow.

Dean,

First off, I just want to tell you that I'm okay. Kinda. I have some important things to tell you, but for reasons I will explain in this letter, I cannot tell you them face to face.

Crowley is alive.

I have no answers as to how, but I know he's alive, because I've seen him this morning. I had my knife and I tried to kill him, I swear I did, but I just wasn't strong enough.

Its because of my weakness that I have to tell you this in a letter and why I am leaving.

My dream I told you about. The one where Crowley had a plan to kill you? It wasn't a dream, it was a memory of mine from the pit. I was the girl chained up in the corner.

Crowley is the one who brought me back from Hell, and he did it because he cast a spell on me. I couldn't remember until last night, but now I remember everything from Hell.

I don't want to risk being near you in case it gets triggered and I hurt you. I really don't want to hurt you. I love you.

So I'm leaving, and I am begging you not to come after me. Just forget about me and move on with your life. It's better that way for both of us.

I'm going to hunt down Crowley, and when I kill him, I will return to you, and if you still want me and forgive me, we can see if we can make a go of us. If not, I'll understand. I just want you to be happy and safe. I'm doing this for you Dean. You already saved me once, now it's time to return the favour.

Again, I don't want you to follow me, or even worry about me. I'm living on borrowed time anyway. We should have never met, and if I'd stayed dead like is natural, I would have never fell into your life and messed shit up.

So forgive me, tell Sam, Millie and Cas that I love them, and all of you look after each other.

Thank you for being the best family I ever had,

Yours forever

Y/N

xxx

You finished writing and folded the paper in half, writing Deans name on the front and then picking up your bag and knife, leaving your room and not looking back once. 

Keeping your footsteps as silent as possible in the hall, you prayed that you wouldn't bump into Cas. He was the only one who didn't sleep, but you made it to the library with no trouble, so you put the letter on a table and then looked around one last time before shouldering you pack and walking up the steps and out of the door.

The wind hit you hard and caused the bunker door to slam behind you, so you swore and then did the only thing you could think of if it had woken anyone up, and you ran.

You were holding it together pretty well, but every step you ran away from the bunker was another memory slamming into your heart and threatening to break it.

You had to push on though, so you put your head down and ran faster.

You'd only have to make it to the main road, and then you could hitchhike out of the state.

You didn't even know where you were going, but you just knew that you had to lay low a while and make sure that Dean didn't find you.

After running for a few miles, the wind carried the sound of an engine towards you and you had just enough time to think Oh shit before it was skidding past you to a hault, bloacking off your escape route.

Dean was out of the impala faster than you could run around the front of the car, even though you tried.

He grabbed hold of the tops of your arms, but you struggled and hit at him.

"NO! DEAN, YOU LET ME RIGHT NOW!" 

He didn't even bother blocking your hits, but instead he just shook you hard.

"No! Talk to me! What's wrong?" He demanded, and you noticed that he still had your letter clutched in his hand.

You didn't reply, but just tried to break free of his grip, feeling the panic build up inside of you, threatening to spill over.

Dean wouldn't release you though, and with your frusteration, the wind picked up and then the skies opened, and it started raining heavily.

"I need to go, Dean! Please let me go! It's not safe! I could hurt you!"

Dean shook his head and wiped rain from his face as he peered down into your eyes as the tears finally fell and you relased that he wasn't going to let you go now.

He held up the letter and pointed at something on it. A line you'd crossed out.

"Did you mean that?" He asked, but you turned your head away and refused to answer it, but he cupped your face with one hand and forced you to look at him.

"Did you mean it?" He asked again, nearly shouting over the wind and rain.

"YES! I meant it, Dean! Please let me prove it! Just let me run!" You pleaded, but Dean ignored your request and leaned in, pressing his lips hard to yours.

The kiss was mixed with tears and rain and the taste of toothpaste, but it was perfect. It was the tragic and desperate kiss of goodbye. You could feel Dean plead with you to stay, but you knew that you couldn't, so you gave him one final kiss before you put your hands on his hard stomach and pushed, creating a space between you.

Dean's hand moved from your face to the back of your head, and you squinted at him through the rain as he smiled and opened his mouth.

You figured out what he was going to say only a split second before the words left his lips and then it was too late to stop him, and the four words stabbed into your brain like metal daggers.

"I love you too."

You screamed and Dean released you momentarily, allowing you to back up, clutching at your head in an attempt to stop the pain.

He tried to move closer, but you held a hand out and shouted at him.

"No! Dean, get back in your car and run! Please!" You begged as more tears fell from your eyes.

Dean stopped but he didn't run.

Then as sudden as the pain had started, it ended and you stood up straight again.

There was a moment where you both froze, just staring at each other, and you started to smile as you thought the spell hadn't worked.

You didn't feel any different.

That was when you noticed that your hand was acting of its own accord and it reached behind your back and pulled out your knife.

Horror filled your chest as you knew what was going to happen, but you couldn't stop yourself as you ditched your bag and stalked towards Dean.

You couldn't control your body and make yourself stop, all you could do was scream to Dean.

"RUN! I CAN'T CONTROL IT!"

Dean looked alarmed, but he didn't run, and instead sank into a defensive position and waited for you to get closer.

Suddenly you were running at him, your blade raised, but he grabbed your wrists and stopped you from attacking.

"I'm not going anywhere, Y/N. You can fight this. I know you can. You're strong. FIGHT IT!"

You were trying, but even as you nodded, your leg moved and kicked Dean's out from under him and drove the blade down.

Even off balance and unwilling to fight, Dean's reactions were fast and he swatted your blade from your hand.

It bounced away, and for a second you were thankful, but then your body became even more vicious and attacked Dean with punches and kicks.

He blocked them all but didn't hit you back, which was where his disadvantage laid.

He didn't want to hurt you, but you knew that you would kill him, no matter how much you didn't want to.

He had to run, or he had to die.

You attacked Dean with a combo move you didn't even know you could do, which knocked him off guard and dazed him a little, but you didn't hold back and you hit him over and over again, kicking his legs out from underneath him and then climbing on top of him, hitting him in the face over and over again.

He brought his guard up, but it wasn't much help against your ferocious attack.

You were sobbing as your body completely disobeyed you and beat the man you loved, to death.

You didn't know how to stop yourself, but you knew that Dean could stop you if he acted before you hurt him any more,

"Dean!" You cried, your voice choked.

His beautiful eyes met yours and you begged with him for one final thing.

"Please stop me... I don't want to do this. Just stop me!" You pleaded, and he tried to grab you, but you just continued hitting him.

You were getting pissed now, and Dean was getting weaker with each blow, so you tried again.

"Dean! Please hit me. Just get me off of you. Just knock me out and then tie me up so I can't hurt you. Please? I'm going to kill you and I can't deal with that. Just please! I have cracked ribs, hit me there to get me off. Please?!" You screamed, but he shook his head and spat blood to the side.

He was in seriously bad shape, and you knew that you would end it soon.

You stood up and kicked him in the side twice, immobilising while you walked to your fallen blade and picked it up before returning to Dean and standing over him.

He looked up at you through swollen eyes and you tried to use any strength to throw the knife, knowing that Dean was going to die within the minute if you didn't do something.

You looked up and saw Crowley stood near the back of the impala, eating an apple as he watched the show.

You tried to throw the knife at him, but your body was intent on killing Dean, so you just gave up trying to fight, hoping that Dean would do something.

You were going to be the one to kill Dean Winchester.

You accepted that.

For a moment you felt your body become your own again, and you tried to sieze the moment by throwing your knife at Crowley, but you only managed to raise your arm before your control was relinquished again.

You ceased to sob for a moment as you realised a kink in Crowleys spell.

Acceptance gave you freedom.

You sat down on Dean's stomach and slowly raised the blade above your head with both hands.

You only had a second of control, so you had to do something quickly to stop yourself.

As long as you were going to kill Dean, your body was yours to control until you decided something else.

You allowed yourself to accept that you were going to kill Dean, and you stared down at him. He whispered that he loved you as one single tear fell from the corner of his swollen eye.

You could tell that he was in no fit shape to fight you off any more, and he wouldn't be able to recover his breath fast enough to stop your hands from stabbing him in the heart, so you met his eyes and allowed him a small smile before you said your parting words to him.

"I'm sorry Dean. I love you."

You looked up at Crowley and grinned.

You had only a second to act, so you had to be fast. Closing your eyes, you summoned up what knowledge you had of the human body and where you could stab so they'd die faster.

Your mind made up, you acted.

You drove the knife down and into the body, feeling the force required to break through skin and muscle.

Opening your eyes, you released the blade and saw the look of pure shock and horror on Dean's face.

You smiled at him and then looked up to where Crowley had been stood, but you saw that he had disappeared.

You looked back down at Dean and then felt another tear fall down your face as you gave him a watery smile and fell to the side.

You curled up around the blade in your abdomen, feeling the white hot pain spread from the wound through your body, and you coughed, blood passing your lips.

"Y/N NO! Don't you dare do this to me! Not now! Stay awake. Please... Oh god."

Dean had picked you up and now you were laying in his lap while he fussed over you, pulling the blade from your stomach and applying pressure to the wound, making you moan in pain.

Dean held onto you tightly, and he looked you in the face as he began to whisper to you.

"What did you do, you stupid girl?" He placed a kiss to your forehead and held you close.

"You'd better not die for me, Y/N. I never asked for you to be a hero," he growled, terrified of losing you. He had lost far too much in his life, and now that he had something worth holding onto, he planned on doing just that.

You smiled up at him, feeling the darkness closing in on you.

"You're worth it, Dean Winchester."

Then the darkness took you and Dean started screaming for his angel.

"CAS!"

No answer, so he tried again.

"Cas you sonofabitch, don't do this to me again. Get your feathery ass here and save my girl!"

Dean whispered to you, even though you could no longer hear him.

"You just hold on, Baby. I've got you. I'm sorry. You're gonna be fine, just please hold on," he begged as he rocked your body back and forth.

"Dean."

Dean's head whipped around and two cold fingertips were touched to his forehead, instantly healing all of his wounds.

Dean glared and pulled his head away.

"Heal her, dammit!"

Cas kneeled down beside you but hesitated before healing you, looking at Dean.

"The natural order has been restored Dean. Are you sure you want to bring her back again?"

Cas noticed the tears of anguish on his friends face, and Dean glared at the angel as he clutched your body to him.

"CAS!"

Castiel sighed and then reached out and touched your forehead.

For a moment nothing happened, and Dean was just about to grab Cas by the coat and scream at him, but then you coughed.

A small and broken sound, but you were breathing.

Dean let out a sound of relief and leaned down to press a kiss to your bloody lips, whispering words over and over again as he kissed every inch of your face.

"I love you.... I love you... I love you."

Your eyes closed and you reached up to his face and caressed his cheek.

"I know... I'm sorry."


End file.
